Housewifery Questions: The Lifespan of Linens.

Okay, so obviously I am not a bastion of the fine art of housewifery.

I make an honest effort, and you know what, sometimes I think I do pretty well, like earlier this week when I made oatmeal cookies from scratch because I realized I had all the ingredients to do so. (They were delicious, too. BOOYAH!) And while planning my wedding/Kiedis' birth, I felt like I brushed up on my Emily Post appropriateness quite a bit because, well, I love me some pomp and circumstance and etiquette does actually have some valuable life lessons wrapped up in it, if you ask me.

But there's been a growing area of concern to me because I realized that I have no clue what the standard here is and the Google Machine hasn't been very helpful in shedding any light on the subject.

So I'm asking you, oh wise blog readers, to help a sister out.

What the hell is the appropriate lifespan of house linens?

I've figured out kitchen towels pretty easily -- once they have a odor that doesn't wash out, they are downgraded to what we affectionately refer to as "crap towels" -- you know, the things you use to clean up pet/child vomit or large spills or to clean things with, the stuff you use that you don't care if it gets ruined. Our old dish rags have become construction clean-up rags, and some of the oldest burp cloths/cloth diapers of the kids' have become deep cleaning tools.

But I'm stumped when it comes to things like bath towels and sheets. Obviously, if they start to smell, that's one thing, but that hasn't happened yet.

I did buy new towels for when the master bathroom was finished because, well, I wanted to splurge a little and the (very nice) towels we got for our wedding didn't so much match the whole new decor scheme in there, but the one from like, four bedrooms ago. We still have them, but Kyle's facewash has bleached about half of them and that makes me angsty. I did notice, though, when I used one the other day that they felt scratchy and not as ... nice. Like I'm not sure I'd be comfortable giving them to a guest (were we ever to have anyone stay here, which pretty much never happens) because they feel kind of carpet-y and between that and the bleach stains I'm just not okay with all that.

But when it comes to sheets, I feel like we're tearing through them (literally) at an alarming rate. Growing up I had like three sets of sheets, and those only changed when I either changed bed size or bedroom locations (like my parents split, for example) and I don't remember them ever just falling apart or being switched out. We're down to three sets of sheets now, and one set is a replacement set I bought this year, while the two others which are also from our wedding (as was the now-retired set) are ripping at the fitted sheet seams. Kiedis' sheets (which we bought for our "spare" room when we moved in five years ago) are forming holes as well.

Is this normal, for sheets to start falling apart after 4-5 years? Or for towels to be not awesome in the same amount of time? Or am I doing something horribly wrong here? And as it goes for bedding, when should I be thinking about changing out Kiedis' comforter and such that we've had almost twice as long as he's been alive? (I'm sure it's after the toddler/preschooler phase, but since Duder jumped right to the big boy bed from  his crib because the concept of a toddler bed was NONSENSE to him I'm not really sure when I should, you know, get him his own stuff.)

I want to know how this all works in your houses. Do you just replace stuff more often than it falls apart, or are we being really hard on things? WHAT WOULD MARTHA SAY?!?

Halp plz.