I don't really even have words.
I mean, the screen door has actually been slowly breaking for a while. Aside from Sylvester the Porch Cat shedding our actual screen part of the door and the fact that when we moved in it was missing the front little hydraulic soft-closer thing:
Over time the bottom most hinge began jumping it's track, and finally broke off altogether back in the fall. But the handle just snapping off like that? That was completely random and WTF.
Of course, we can't take the door down right now because it would take the draft level of the foyer from "whoo, that's a might bit chilly right there by the door" to "HOLY HELL WHAT IS THIS THE ARCTIC PASSAGE TO NARNIA?!" and, you know, since my kids can open doors how of their own volition it's nice to have a second barrier before they go streaking into sub-zero wind chills butt naked because they think it's funny when I scream.
So, add to the list: get a new screen door for the front of the house.
(Next week I have bigbigbig things to talk about so allow me these meh posts while I work on that stuff. Thanks.)